In the early 2000s, a “midlife crisis” had a standard UI: a shiny red convertible, an regrettable earring, and an abrupt decision to take up surfing. It was analog, predictable, and, for the most part, harmless.
Welcome to Midlife Crisis Version 0.34. This is not a bug fix. It is a public beta of existential dread, released quietly sometime around 2022, and it is currently crashing the mental operating systems of Generation X and older Millennials at an alarming rate. Midlife Crisis Version 0.34
| Emotion | Effect | Unlock Condition | |---------|--------|------------------| | Nostalgia | +3 to all memory recall rolls | First flashback viewed | | Resentment | Dialogue options with spouse gain [BITTER] tag | Flashback choice differs from original | | Acceptance | Lowers Regret Dial by 50% | Replay same flashback 3x, choose original path each time | | Liminal Rage | Temporarily replaces all sound effects with buzzing | Trigger 5 flashbacks in 1 game hour | In the early 2000s, a “midlife crisis” had
The biggest issue with Version 0.34 is that it’s trying to run modern software on legacy hardware. This is not a bug fix
I have the emotional maturity of someone who wants to quit their job and hike the Appalachian Trail, but the knee cartilage of someone who needs to sit in an ergonomic chair for exactly eight hours a day. I have the desire to stay out until 2 AM drinking craft beer, but a metabolism that punishes me with a three-day headache if I eat dairy after 6 PM.
This version is riddled with conflicts. I want to be spontaneous, but my Google Calendar is full. I want to learn a new language, but I’m too tired after work to do anything but scroll through streaming services I don’t even like.
Trigger: Player fails to help their child with algebra because they’re exhausted.
Flashback: Age 26. The player is offered a risky startup job vs. a stable bank role.
Original choice (logged from save file): Took the stable job.
Now (age 44): Re-enter the scene.